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Jokes!
Jul 15, 2006 16:54:30 GMT -5
Post by foxhound on Jul 15, 2006 16:54:30 GMT -5
Ok So i need a good laugh! so if any of u got any jokes post them here! (Can be anytype- Racist, Yo Mamma, SSBB, Fox, ect. jokes) I'll Let U guys start!
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Jokes!
Jul 15, 2006 20:16:43 GMT -5
Post by ArwingPilot28 on Jul 15, 2006 20:16:43 GMT -5
Lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address:
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My loving wife
Subject: I've arrived Date: April 6, 2006
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. sure is freaking hot down here!!!!!!!!
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Jokes!
Jul 16, 2006 13:23:15 GMT -5
Post by foxhound on Jul 16, 2006 13:23:15 GMT -5
Lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address: A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email. Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read: To: My loving wife Subject: I've arrived Date: April 6, 2006 I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was. P.S. sure is freaking hot down here!!!!!!!! Thats a good one But kinda fu*ked up! Here's Mine:This Goes to Show U the War Has Been Goin Longer than we Knew! Two Arabs boarded a shuttle out of Washington for New York. One sat in the window seat, the other in the middle seat. Just before takeoff.. a fat, little Israeli guy got on and took the aisle seat next to the Arabs. He kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, "I think I'll go up and get a coke." "No problem," said the Israeli. "I'll get it for you." While he was gone, the Arab picked up the Israeli's shoe and spit in it. When the Israeli returned with the coke, the other Arab said, "That looks good. I think I'll have one too." Again, the Israeli obligingly went to fetch it, and while he is gone the Arab other picked up the other shoe and spit in it. The Israeli returned with the coke, and they all sat back and enjoyed the short flight to New York. As the plane was landing the Israeli slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. "How long must this go on?" he asked. "This enmity between our peoples..... this hatred... this animosity... this spitting in shoes and peeing in cokes?"
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Jokes!
Jul 16, 2006 13:35:16 GMT -5
Post by RAItheIII on Jul 16, 2006 13:35:16 GMT -5
Okay theres a midget a monkey and a priest and they had to share a hotel room. The first day they went to the amusement park. The second day they went to the beach and the 3rd day
they saw
Grandma touching herself in the back seat of the monkey car
Didn't see that coming did you
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Jokes!
Jul 16, 2006 14:42:22 GMT -5
Post by chaoscontrol1 on Jul 16, 2006 14:42:22 GMT -5
LOL
Ok, so an ordinary man walked into an ordinary bar, sat down, and ordered a drink. He noticed there was a very short man in a tuxedo playing the piano in a corner. When the bartender returned with his drink, the man asked him why the short guy was there. The bartender replied " A genie came and gave me one wish." The man, looking confused, asked"So you wished for a 10-inch pianist?" The bartender replied,"Not exactly........"
^_^
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Jul 16, 2006 20:06:55 GMT -5
Post by RAItheIII on Jul 16, 2006 20:06:55 GMT -5
*Is trying not to LOL*
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Jul 17, 2006 13:24:29 GMT -5
Post by ArwingAce92 on Jul 17, 2006 13:24:29 GMT -5
Hmmm... *Stifles laughs* Espically on the Arab one!
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Jokes!
Jul 17, 2006 13:32:28 GMT -5
Post by ArwingAce92 on Jul 17, 2006 13:32:28 GMT -5
Osama bin Laden was finally found and killed. When he got to heaven (how he got there is beyond me) he was greeted by George Washington, who promptly kicked him saying, "How dare you try to destroy the nation I helped to concieve!" Then Thomas Jefferson came up and whacked him with his cane. "You evil person! You have no care for human life!" Then John Adams, George Mason, James Madison and 67 other early Americans proceded to beat bin Laden to a near lifeless pulp. Whan an Angel appeared next to him, the terrorist leader asked "What is happening? This is not what you promised me!"
The Angel responded saying, "Osama, I said that when you get to Heaven there will be 72 Virginians waiting for you."
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Jul 17, 2006 20:29:37 GMT -5
Post by chaoscontrol1 on Jul 17, 2006 20:29:37 GMT -5
*looks confused at above joke* *waits for explanation*
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Jul 18, 2006 14:02:16 GMT -5
Post by foxhound on Jul 18, 2006 14:02:16 GMT -5
Here One I Love!:
Hispanic man walks into a cafe one early morning and noticed that he was the only Hispanic man there. As he sat down, he noticed a white man behind him.The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The Hispanic man turned around and stood up. He then said:
"listen Pendejo....when i was born, i was brown, " "When i grew up, i was brown, " "When i'm sick, i'm brown, " "When i go in the sun, i'm brown, " "When I'm cold, i'm brown, " "When i die, i'll be brown ." But you pendejo...." "When you're born, you're pink, " "When you grow up, you're white, " "When you're sick, you're green, " "When you go in the sun, you turn red, " "When you're cold, you turn blue, " "And when you die, you turn purple." "And you have the nerve to call me colored?" "COME MIERDA, CULERO!! "GRINGO PENDEJO MARICON!!!" "Latinos came to America first, you ***** ass gringo!!".....SO SUCK IT!!!
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Jul 18, 2006 15:20:00 GMT -5
Post by ArwingAce92 on Jul 18, 2006 15:20:00 GMT -5
Chaos, most terrorists believe that if they die a martyr, they will have 72 Virgins waiting for them. Osama misunderstood that particular point.
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Jokes!
Jul 19, 2006 8:14:06 GMT -5
Post by RAItheIII on Jul 19, 2006 8:14:06 GMT -5
Here One I Love!: Hispanic man walks into a cafe one early morning and noticed that he was the only Hispanic man there. As he sat down, he noticed a white man behind him.The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The Hispanic man turned around and stood up. He then said: "listen Pendejo....when i was born, i was brown, " "When i grew up, i was brown, " "When i'm sick, i'm brown, " "When i go in the sun, i'm brown, " "When I'm cold, i'm brown, " "When i die, i'll be brown ." But you pendejo...." "When you're born, you're pink, " "When you grow up, you're white, " "When you're sick, you're green, " "When you go in the sun, you turn red, " "When you're cold, you turn blue, " "And when you die, you turn purple." "And you have the nerve to call me colored?" "COME MIERDA, CULERO!! "GRINGO PENDEJO MARICON!!!" "Latinos came to America first, you ***** ass gringo!!".....SO SUCK IT!!! if your a true HISPANIC re-post this to at least 7 more proud Latinos *Claps*
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Jokes!
Jul 19, 2006 11:30:52 GMT -5
Post by foxhound on Jul 19, 2006 11:30:52 GMT -5
Here One I Love!: Hispanic man walks into a cafe one early morning and noticed that he was the only Hispanic man there. As he sat down, he noticed a white man behind him.The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The Hispanic man turned around and stood up. He then said: "listen Pendejo....when i was born, i was brown, " "When i grew up, i was brown, " "When i'm sick, i'm brown, " "When i go in the sun, i'm brown, " "When I'm cold, i'm brown, " "When i die, i'll be brown ." But you pendejo...." "When you're born, you're pink, " "When you grow up, you're white, " "When you're sick, you're green, " "When you go in the sun, you turn red, " "When you're cold, you turn blue, " "And when you die, you turn purple." "And you have the nerve to call me colored?" "COME MIERDA, CULERO!! "GRINGO PENDEJO MARICON!!!" "Latinos came to America first, you ***** ass gringo!!".....SO SUCK IT!!! if your a true HISPANIC re-post this to at least 7 more proud Latinos *Claps* I knew u would lol!
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Jul 19, 2006 12:26:50 GMT -5
Post by chaoscontrol1 on Jul 19, 2006 12:26:50 GMT -5
Ahhh...well its summer im slow. BTW, good one with the Hispanic thing lol
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Jokes!
Jul 19, 2006 13:10:08 GMT -5
Post by ArwingAce92 on Jul 19, 2006 13:10:08 GMT -5
I'm right redneck, but that one was quite funny! (Hound's)
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JoRoy
Full Member
Posts: 142
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Jokes!
Jul 19, 2006 21:16:44 GMT -5
Post by JoRoy on Jul 19, 2006 21:16:44 GMT -5
(I am an inspiring young comedian. I was wondering if this joke is good enough to use in a stand up act.Please be honest as possible)
How come whenever you go out to eat, they always have the oppisite of what I want? Heres a true story.
Waitress: What would you like to drink? Me: Coke please. W: Will Pepsi be O.K.? Me: Make it a Sprite then. W: How about 7-up? M: Whatever, can I order now? W: Yes, go ahead. M: I want the fried chicken fingers please. W: Oooh... All we have is grilled. M: You're just messing with me now. W: No, I'm messing with myself. M: Can I see your manager? W: Will the owner be alright? M: You know what? Kiss my a--. W: How 'bout I suck your d---. M: I'm outa here. W: Please stay.
I'm never going to McDonalds again.
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Jokes!
Jul 19, 2006 22:09:00 GMT -5
Post by RAItheIII on Jul 19, 2006 22:09:00 GMT -5
She offered to suck your **** and you said no For shame
But its a good joke especially the ending
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Jul 19, 2006 23:40:26 GMT -5
Post by blacksabor on Jul 19, 2006 23:40:26 GMT -5
this is one i made up in like asecond cause i'm bored
What did the King say to the Queen on the chessboard???
p**** Pawns!
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JoRoy
Full Member
Posts: 142
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Jokes!
Jul 20, 2006 15:32:20 GMT -5
Post by JoRoy on Jul 20, 2006 15:32:20 GMT -5
Tried to stick with the oppicite theme.
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Jul 20, 2006 20:38:21 GMT -5
Post by chaoscontrol1 on Jul 20, 2006 20:38:21 GMT -5
*laughs out loud*
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Jul 21, 2006 11:54:16 GMT -5
Post by ArwingAce92 on Jul 21, 2006 11:54:16 GMT -5
Hmmmm.... I really don't care for the vulgar jokes, but I will stop myself from using the mod button. I'll get some new ones in a few.
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Jokes!
Jul 23, 2006 22:35:47 GMT -5
Post by foxhound on Jul 23, 2006 22:35:47 GMT -5
This is Why we Just love Blondes! : Blondes change a lightbulbThree blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of them decides to call 911: Blonde: We need help. We're three blondes changing a light bulb. Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb? Blonde: Yes. Operator: The power in the house in on? Blonde: Of course. Operator: And the switch is on? Blonde: Yes, yes. Operator: And the bulb still won't light up? Blonde: No, it's working fine. Operator: Then what's the problem? Blonde: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around, and we all fell and hurt ourselves.
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Jokes!
Jul 24, 2006 15:13:52 GMT -5
Post by ArwingAce92 on Jul 24, 2006 15:13:52 GMT -5
...? Oookay.
Here's mine:
A Nun, a Priest, and a Rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this, a joke?"
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Jokes!
Jul 24, 2006 19:22:46 GMT -5
Post by foxhound on Jul 24, 2006 19:22:46 GMT -5
...? Oookay. Here's mine: A Nun, a Priest, and a Rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this, a joke?" Yea I Know the Blonde joke wasn't as funny as my first 2 But I was Bored N had to post sumthing! I'll Post a real funny one next time!
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Jul 24, 2006 19:37:05 GMT -5
Post by ArwingAce92 on Jul 24, 2006 19:37:05 GMT -5
I need a readers digest to find some witty ones..
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Jul 24, 2006 19:40:36 GMT -5
Post by ArwingAce92 on Jul 24, 2006 19:40:36 GMT -5
Here's one from a Dave Barry book. Hound, you might know Barry because he used to write a column for the Miami Herald. Here goes:
"Gambling- Off track betting parlors are the kinds of places where you never see a sign saying, "Thank You for Not Smoking." The best you can hope for is, "Thank You for Not Spitting Pieces of Your Cigar on My Neck."'
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Jokes!
Jul 25, 2006 12:14:39 GMT -5
Post by ArwingAce92 on Jul 25, 2006 12:14:39 GMT -5
I got some more: This one's from the odd jewish comedian that had the 12:00-12:30 stand-up gig on Comedy Central today.
"What is with Mickey Mouse? He had no shirt, and tight pants. It makes me nervous. You know who I think he is? Michael Jackson. Think about it: Both have tight pants. Both love Childern. Both have an Amusement Park in their backyard. Both have a glove. I mean, Mikey, Mickey, They gotta be the same person..."
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JoRoy
Full Member
Posts: 142
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Jokes!
Jul 28, 2006 13:56:18 GMT -5
Post by JoRoy on Jul 28, 2006 13:56:18 GMT -5
I saw that guy. He was good.
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Jul 28, 2006 14:20:52 GMT -5
Post by ArwingAce92 on Jul 28, 2006 14:20:52 GMT -5
Very funny. I enjoyed it.
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Jokes!
Jul 31, 2006 18:10:07 GMT -5
Post by ArwingPilot28 on Jul 31, 2006 18:10:07 GMT -5
o yea i think i watched that, he is pretty funny
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